Week 8
In the weekend me and my family, Nana, my step Grandad, Aunty, Uncle and cousin went to Anaura Bay for Nana's birthday. Me and Tosh ( my brother ) chose the bunk beds in a container to sleep in because there was another container right next to it for Mum and Dad to sleep in.
On Saturday Dad, Uncle Fish, Lucy and Mike ( my step grandad ) went diving off the boat. I wasn't there but they came back saying that Mike almost drowned because of his weight belt!!!! I do not know why this happened but I can say it was weird. Mum, Nana and my Aunty went walking and saw a horse that didn't move. Nana turned and fell into a rocky river, she was soaking.
Well at least I had some fun... me and Lucy went kayaking and we caught a wave into shore, but I fell off and the boat bumped my nose!!! We were all in the wars on that trip. Before we left I watched Fantastic Mr. Fox and ate this thing that was white and sweet and it had pistachios in it, it looked like a bar of fuge. I love Anaura Bay!!!!!
Great to see you using a beginning, middle and end to your work, Esther, and using paragraphs also.
ReplyDeleteYour personal voice is coming through quite strong in this piece of writing. It has me laughing. I particularly enjoyed reading your hook into the third paragraph - 'well at least I had some fun' and 'we were all in the wars'. I can imagine you saying this.
You've used great descriptive language. Based on your description of the sweet, I'm guessing you were eating nougat.
I'm wondering in your next piece of recount writing if you can describe your feelings about your experience but use the 'show don't tell' technique.